Let me just start by explaining that right now I am beginning, just beginning, to understand the holiness of God demands that we show forth the honor due His name. In everything. To everyone.
"O Praise Him" by David Crowder Band is currently on repeat in my itunes. I'll post the music video after this post. It's worth watching.
A walk of faith has been my desire for years, but in truth, there is so much refinement being brought by God to my walk of faith. He has painfully, yet loving called out my doubts in His power and in His triumph. Having my doubt revealed, and confessing it, brought new revelations on true surrender. On the true meaning of saying "Amen." And as I have walked forward in the light of His grace, He has called me to step up. To continue on in the calling He has placed on me with deeper faith and deeper peace.
I want so much to share everything with you. So that these truths (which I've been learning over the course of the past few weeks) are more digestible, I may make this story a series of posts.
This is a challenge for me! I want to tell you what I learned today, but I think it best if I start at the beginning.
So the past few months have, well obviously, been quite the adventure for me. I am a few days away from the six month mark of being here, and I know that I have changed a lot. Maybe its not conspicuous, but my perspectives and attitudes have been changed through this journey.
For the past month or so, Brandon (the other intern and my partner-in-crime as Meredith calls him) began to look for jobs for when he returned to the States. His year would be up at the beginning of the summer, and he knew it was time to tackle applications and interviews. He found this perfect-for-him position, along with some other pretty good opportunities, but was concerned about his cover letter and resume. I offered to look it over. Confession, I love editing documents, especially for someone that really wants feedback. And I love helping friends with career-related pursuits. So I became his career consultant (at a very reduced price) and we worked on it, as well as some other documents for his applications.
In the meantime three of my best friends from CSU, all applied to grad schools. Good grad schools. And they'll get in, because they're smart like that.
And what was I doing? Cheering them on. Here. In Moldova. What else could I do?
After the international service one night, some friends and I went out for pizza and ended up discussing what else but career plans and/or the lack thereof.
I found myself rather confused. Here I was exactly where I know I'm supposed to be, having this truly incredible experience, and enjoying friendships with incredible people. But beyond that, I really had (and still have) no idea what I'm going to do after Moldova.
Then I started to have one of those ridiculous arguments with myself over how I should feel. You know, where you feel one way, but you tell yourself you should probably feel differently, all the while knowing that it's fine to feel the way you do. I felt like I should be worried. I should be planning. I should know what I want and how it's going to happen. But I didn't. I still don't. And I'm ok with that. Because I know it's not my plan that matters anymore.
This is a hard resolve to keep! And then God started to me this great lesson that I'm pouring out to you in this series of posts.
I had missed a few days of reading My Utmost for His Highest, and in my perfectionist way thought I should "catch up." So I started reading through a few days, and came to February 22 devotional:
"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us."The verse for the day was Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God..."
Sometimes, I am just blown away by how God answers me. Weeks and weeks ago, I had this question that kept sticking in my mind: God, I get that sometimes we are supposed to wait on You, and sometimes we are supposed to be bold and act, but how do I know when I'm supposed to wait?
And right at that moment, He said wait. This is my moment to come away to a quiet place and listen to the voice of God. To be filled, to talk, to be restored, to be challenged.
Much love to you today,
~ Redeemed.
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