The Truth is Who You Are...

I'm running a little slow this morning.  Feeling like my body is growling into work mode.   But this is my own fault.  Remember those small steps I wrote about?  Well, they're hard!  I was working pretty late last night on a marketing task, but I still could've gone to sleep a bit earlier than I did.  But in my stubbornness I decided a mental break watching a tv show (on my laptop, of course, I haven't taking to paying for or watching Russian channels) was more important then really rebuilding my mind.


And I did do yoga at midnight.....BUT yoga helps you sleep.  It's true!  It really is good for you.


I digress. Why am I sharing this?   Because I need to be held accountable.  Because I need to surrender the small things.  Because small things are big things when we set our hearts and minds on walking by faith.  Because "the Resistance" (Satan, the world, and our own stinkin' flesh) is real, and it is strong.  But my God, my Hero, my Rescuer, the Lover of my soul, who fights for me and pulls me up when I fall and takes my hand and guides me through the night, HE is stronger.


I've started ready Jeremiah, and the unfaithfulness of Israel tore me apart,  for in it, I see my own unfaithfulness.   Read with me these verses from Jeremiah 2:


2 “Go and proclaim in the ears of Jerusalem, saying, ‘Thus says the LORD,
         “I remember concerning you the devotion of your youth,
         The love of your betrothals,
         Your following after Me in the wilderness,
         Through a land not sown."

Ah, I followed Him to this wilderness and through this strange land.......

5 Thus says the LORD,
         “What injustice did your fathers find in Me,
         That they went far from Me
         And walked after emptiness and became empty?"

Dang.  That hurts.  What wrong have I reason to contend with the Lord over?  So why, why, do I still turn to empty things.  Such an accurate word: emptiness.  I pour out what He has filled me with and become empty myself, as I seek after empty things: tv, stories, distractions.  No, books, music, tv, aren't always bad. The thing is, I know that when I get hooked on a show, I have to be careful, because I begin to allow my mind to be filled with made-up stories.  What fills my mind, begins to fill my heart.  And when my heart is filled with these contrived stories, I begin to believe that maybe life is supposed to work that way.  You know, the way it's written out, played out, sung out.  After all, it sounds believable right?  I've learned that God has plans for my life that are far greater than I can imagine, but when I give myself to these empty things, my view of God and what He can do becomes constricted.  I suffocate my own faith by limiting it to human imaginations and expectations.   Ok, back to Jeremiah:

6 “They did not say, ‘Where is the LORD
         Who brought us up out of the land of Egypt,
         Who led us through the wilderness,
         Through a land of deserts and of pits,
         Through a land of drought and of deep darkness,
         Through a land that no one crossed
         And where no man dwelt?’

What a list.  I listened to a sermon this week, that explained that Egypt is the representation of slavery and sin.  We are brought out of Egypt at the moment Christ comes into our hearts.  

But the wilderness, the deserts, the pits, the drought and deep darkness, a place that no one crossed, where no man dwelt is the journey of walking with Him.  I read this passage and get an image of a person walking through this wilderness and passing by these massive pits in the ground, and I think about all the things He has brought me through, and how He lead me here, not just to Moldova, but to a place where I have seen His goodness and tasted of His faithfulness.

7 “I brought you into the fruitful land
         To eat its fruit and its good things.
         But you came and defiled My land,
         And My inheritance you made an abomination.

8 “The priests did not say, ‘Where is the LORD?’
         And those who handle the law did not know Me;
         The rulers also transgressed against Me,
         And the prophets prophesied by Baal
         And walked after things that did not profit.

Things that did not profit.  You know, it hit me today, that it doesn't say they went after things that were horrible, but things that didn't profit. They squandered what they had.  Maybe I tend to look at this from a business perspective: if a pursuit isn't profitable, then it is a waste of your resources.  It may not be explicitly destructive, but it will deplete your reserves and divert your focus.  It's little things that bring down big companies.

9 “Therefore I will yet contend with you,” declares the LORD,
         “And with your sons’ sons I will contend.

10 “For cross to the coastlands of Kittim and see,
         And send to Kedar and observe closely
         And see if there has been such a thing as this!

11 “Has a nation changed gods
         When they were not gods?
         But My people have changed their glory
         For that which does not profit.

*Quick side note, I have honestly struggled with what people of my beliefs.  Yet, I look at people with false gods, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Jehovah's Witnesses, and see how committed they are.  The Lord was pointing out that the nations following after false gods didn't switch their gods.  And we, who follow the True and Living God so quickly minimize it.

12 “Be appalled, O heavens, at this,
         And shudder, be very desolate,” declares the LORD.

13 “For My people have committed two evils:
         They have forsaken Me,
         The fountain of living waters,
         To hew for themselves cisterns,
         Broken cisterns
         That can hold no water.

God, forgive me!  I have forsaken You and hewn for myself a broken cistern.  Fill me again, Lord, with living water....

25 “Keep your feet from being unshod
         And your throat from thirst;
         But you said, ‘It is hopeless!
         No! For I have loved strangers,
         And after them I will walk.’

This walk isn't a one time decision and everything becomes simple and easy. It's continually choosing to look towards the One who leads, to remember the salvation and freedom we have been given through Christ Jesus, and to guard our walk so that we are continually filled.

Ephesians 6:10-18
10 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.

11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,"

So this is the battle: to guard against the little things that can cripple my walk.  It just takes a tiny pebble in your shoe to distract you from where you were headed.  By His grace, I'll throw them out and press on!

~ Redeemed


Title from "The Truth is Who You Are" by Tenth Avenue North

It Don't Have A Job, Don't Pay Your Bills....But It's All You Need...

Whew, I have so many stories and updates to share with you!  I know most of my last posts have been spiritually focused, and that's a key part of my life, but this time I'll try to write about the actual happenings here!

Quick notes of this week's importance:

 1) The heating is officially off!!!  One of my coworkers, Alexei, told me to day that "the season" ended so the radiators are off until next winter.  I'm looking forward to lower bills now (and I'm sure many many Moldovans are too)!

2) It snowed yesterday.  I know, the heating has been turned off and it just snowed???  Well, last week was   hinting at spring with beautiful 50 degree weather, but we had a cold snap this weekend.  I woke up yesterday morning, looked out my kitchen window to see snow on my neighbor's roof!  It snowed pretty fiercely all day, but what piled up melted pretty quickly.  Today and tomorrow are rain, rain, rain.    And thankfully, we had electric heaters in our offices :)

3) Daylight Savings Day was yesterday in Moldova!  Yep, we just changed.  We are back to a seven hour time difference between EST and time here.

4) This is my first week here as the only American intern!  That might not actually be that important, but I'm noting it anyways.

5) Our Board of Directors have chosen a recipient for a scholarship offered through our partners.  Please pray for Cristina as she prepares for not only for the TOEFL, but also as she prepares to move to a new country and new school.  And also pray for Vasile, the applicant who wasn't chosen.  Pray for that the Lord will open other doors of opportunity before him.  Thanks!


~ Redeemed

*Title is taken from Hold Us Together by Matt Maher (new favorite!)

Tell My Why I Should Run For Cover, When All I Hear Is the Cry of My Lover

Well, I thought there would only be three parts to the last post, but this could almost be a fourth.  It's like an addendum.  God has a way of weaving lessons together in my life.  This bit just came together last night at small group.

Last time our group met, we were each assigned a couple of chapters of Proverbs to read, and then at the next meeting, we were to share what we found on the topic of wisdom in these passages.  It was a good plan, but we got a little mixed up in our assigned chapters.  But you can't go wrong with reading the word of God.  Even those of us that ended up reading the same chapters found different things stood out to us.

So I read over the first few verses of Proverbs 13 and was struck by verse 4, "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."

I just recently listened to a sermon by Pastor Stephen Furtick from Elevation Church.  He spoke from
John 5: 1-9, the passage where Jesus heals a man by the pool Bethesda who had been an invalid for 38 years.  Pastor Furtick pointed out that Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be healed (vs. 6).  He said at first this might seem a little offensive, but in reality Jesus understood the issues associated with a longterm disability.  The man had been an invalid for 38 years.  When you are plagued with an issue for a long time period, it is easy to become comfortable, to accept the problem, even to consider it to be normal. Jesus told the man to, "Take up your bed and walk (verse 8)."  Verse 9 says, "And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked."

The sermon was about recognizing our disabilities, our sicknesses, our problems. And then not just asking for God to fix them, but doing what it takes to correct them.  The verse in Proverbs reminded me of this sermon, and I begin to think about how this applies to wisdom.  "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing..." We can be hungry for more, crave wisdom, crave to know the Lord, but if we don't do anything to get there, if we are lazy and apathetic, we won't gain that wisdom.  We won't know our Lord intimately.

"While the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."  The one who is diligent...the one who is faithful in the small things, steadfast in what he's been given to do now, diligent to continually seek the face of God....

Again Jeremiah 33:3 came to mind, "If you call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not know."  And also Jeremiah 29:14 "You will seek me and find me.  When you seek me with all your heart."

When we are diligent in our pursuit of the Savior, He will be found.  He will hear.  He will answer.

And as far as wisdom, James 5:5-6, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."

This has really challenged me this week.  As I'm asking God to provide the right job when it's time to move on from Moldova, to show me His heart and teach me to walk in His way, to be the best I can be at the job I'm currently called to, I have to be diligent in these efforts.  To adapt an analogy Pastor Furtick made, I can't sit hungry and stare at what has been laid out on the table before me and expect to be fed.  I have to do my part and bring the food to my mouth!

For me that means I'm trying to make some practical babysteps:  going to sleep earlier so that when I wake up at 6:45 (not always by choice) I'm alert and can spend time in the Word and seeking God, maybe getting in a workout too, and then get to work early!!!  Actually studying my Romanian lessons and setting aside time to read this history book I'm working through round off my list.

I know, you probably can't get past the "going to sleep earlier" part.  Babysteps people.   I said "earlier."
It's a loose definition.  Before midnight would be incredible, but I think we'll start with before 1 am.  I mean, it's 11:40 pm and yoga is calling my name.....there's still time :)


~ Redeemed

Title taken from "Won't Turn Back" by NeedtoBreathe.

*Elevation sermon podcasts can be downloaded for free on itunes.

O PRAISE HIM....O How Constant, How Divine, This Song of Ours Will Rise

Part III....this is getting more difficult as I move forward but I'm determined to share the fullness of this story!

This part can best be titled "My Spiritual Zap."  And, yes, I did just call it that.

It had been a few days since my rehash of My Utmost for His Highest, and I was still wondering what all these little things that God was showing me were leading to.

I decided it was time to work on one of my least favorite tasks at work: facebook stalking.  Okay, okay, that makes it sounds worse than it really is.  Facebook is actually a marketing tool for us, so one of our tasks is to continually update our boss's friends list.  We add contacts based on specific criteria and send out messages of events/programs we have going on.

During the process of contact searching, I stumbled upon this verse on someone's wall: "Call to me and I will answer you, and I will show you great and hidden things that you have not known."  Jeremiah 33:3

It grabbed me and I couldn't quite explain why, but it was enough that I stopped wrote it down and shared it with B.  We may have gone back to work, or we may have started discussing what we were learning....

At any rate, Brandon started telling me about his feelings on the job he had applied for (previously mentioned, amazing job).  He explained how his perspective had changed from past job applications and searches.  This time he said he wasn't trying to control everything about it, to do it according to his plan, but he was able to pray, "God, whatever you want to do with this."  It was an attitude of "I'll do everything you set before me, but the outcome is in Your hands." Pretty great perspective, right?

So lunchtime came and we went back to our apartments.  I looked up the verse from Jeremiah and read it over again.  Somehow in my reading I ended up at 2 Corinthians.  There is a verse that has been underlined in my Bible for a few years, but to be honest, I didn't fully understand it.  It's 2 Corinthians 1:20, "For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory."

What stood out to me this time was the meaning of amen.  I had heard this explained in sermons before, but never had I understood it as it applied to this verse.  Amen is most commonly interpreted as "so be it."

Suddenly it all came together!  God will fulfill all His promises, and when we recognize this, we are able through Christ to say 'Amen' or 'so be it' to everything He brings that God may receive the glory in it all.

I was so excited.  In truth, I don't know that I can convey how excited I was.  It was one of those moments where this new understanding was so great I just had to tell someone.  I burst back into our office practically bouncing with joy.  B was a little surprised by my sudden bound of energy.  Quickly scrolling through terms in my head and finding them all unsastisfactory, I proclaimed, "I feel like I just had a spiritual zap!"

With a rather amused look on his face, Brandon replies, "I'm not sure I've ever had that happen, so please explain!"  So I did, and the "so be it" part really resonated with him too.

A little bit of research taught me that Amen also implies truth and acceptance of an outcome.  The first time Amen is used in the Bible is in Numbers 5: 22.  Here a woman accused of adultery was to take an oath and drink the water of bitterness. If she had committed adultery, the water would make her sick, but if she was innocent, she would be fine.  After taking the oath, the woman was to say "Amen Amen."  It signifies acceptance of the curse/method of testing.  In other places in Scripture, amen is translated 'truly' or 'truth.'

There are a more in-depth studies on the word, but these simple summaries brought plenty of meaning to me.  As in B's case of saying, "Have Your way," he was uttering his amen to God in a manner of acceptance of God's plan.  In my case of trying to figure out life and doubting God and His faithfulness, I was learning to utter my amen to God in surrender to His truth.

This really made me stop and think the next time I ended a prayer with "amen."  Am I really surrendering to God when I say it?  Do I really have a spirit that says, "So be it, LORD.  To You be all the glory"?


Much love,

~ Redeemed

O PRAISE HIM...Turn Your Gaze to Heaven, Embrace the Joyous Noise

Did you watch the music video???  

Part II:  

Psalm 27:4 "Wait for the Lord; and be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"

I had been trying to make sense of everything in my life.  Desperately trying to put the pieces together and see what the puzzle makes.  I realized this is my place of quiet desolation.  My place to wait on the Lord.  But it's not enough that I'm still or that I'm quiet. 

 I must know that He is my God, that He is my hope, my strength, salvation.  That He keeps His promises. That He is faithful.  That He steadfast love endures forever.    The second half of Psalm 27:4 says, "And know that I am God."

As I look back through my journal to write this post, I realize that I'd recognized this place of quiet earlier on, but I was struggling so much with wanting answers.  I wanted desperately for my Lord to speak and to explain just a part of it all to me.  

He did speak.  But He didn't explain the way I wanted.  No, He didn't suddenly give me a revelation that made sense of it all and He didn't tell me what job I should look for.  But He showed me His faithfulness, and tenderly asked me to trust in Him.  Not to just say in my head that I trust Him, but to fully, completely surrender to the fact that I don't know what's going on, and I don't know what's coming, but I know who my God is.  And He will be faithful, and He will be true.  

And as I was writing in my journal in this state of desperate longing for my Savior, yearning for the Lover of my soul, I realized it wasn't direction I needed.  I just needed Him. 

The verse at the bottom of page I was writing on was Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."   

I was challenged by another day in My Utmost for His Highest that talked about how we limit God is our past experiences, to how we've seen Him work in the past.  I limit God to my understanding.

I've been reading through Isaiah, and right about this time came to Isaiah 55:8-9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

When I stop trying to figure it out and actually trust in the unchangeable character of I AM, I find faith in His ability and desire to fulfill his promises.  One of the pastors I listen to, Perry Noble, spoke about this in a series he just preached called "Make War."  Referencing God's command to Moses to go speak to Pharoah, Perry explain, "God didn't name himself  'I might be' or 'I used to be,' but 'I AM.'  'I AM' is greater than our 'what-ifs.' "

Pretty amazing, right?

Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; Your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.  Do not forsake the work of your hands."


Part III coming soon :)

~ Redeemed  

O PRAISE HIM...Hallelujah...He is Holy!

Warning this may be a long post, and I'm not sure exactly where it's heading but it's time to write.

Let me just start by explaining that right now I am beginning, just beginning, to understand the holiness of God demands that we show forth the honor due His name.  In everything.  To everyone.

"O Praise Him" by David Crowder Band is currently on repeat in my itunes.  I'll post the music video after this post.  It's worth watching.

A walk of faith has been my desire for years, but in truth, there is so much refinement being brought by God to my walk of faith.  He has painfully, yet loving called out my doubts in His power and in His triumph.   Having my doubt revealed, and confessing it, brought new revelations on true surrender.  On the true meaning of saying "Amen."  And as I have walked forward in the light of His grace, He has called me to step up. To continue on in the calling He has placed on me with deeper faith and deeper peace.

I want so much to share everything with you.  So that these truths (which I've been learning over the course of the past few weeks) are more digestible, I may make this story a series of posts.

This is a challenge for me!  I want to tell you what I learned today, but I think it best if I start at the beginning.



So the past few months have, well obviously, been quite the adventure for me.  I am a few days away from the six month mark of being here, and I know that I have changed a lot.  Maybe its not conspicuous, but my perspectives and attitudes have been changed through this journey.

For the past month or so, Brandon (the other intern and my partner-in-crime as Meredith calls him) began to look for jobs for when he returned to the States.  His year would be up at the beginning of the summer, and he knew it was time to tackle applications and interviews.   He found this perfect-for-him position, along with some other pretty good opportunities, but was concerned about his cover letter and resume.  I offered to look it over.  Confession, I love editing documents, especially for someone that really wants feedback.  And I love helping friends with career-related pursuits.  So I became his career consultant (at a very reduced price) and we worked on it, as well as some other documents for his applications.

In the meantime three of my best friends from CSU, all applied to grad schools.  Good grad schools.  And they'll get in, because they're smart like that.

And what was I doing? Cheering them on.  Here.  In Moldova.  What else could I do?

After the international service one night, some friends and I went out for pizza and ended up discussing what else but career plans and/or the lack thereof.

I found myself rather confused.  Here I was exactly where I know I'm supposed to be, having this truly incredible experience, and enjoying friendships with incredible people.  But beyond that, I really had (and still have) no idea what I'm going to do after Moldova.

Then I started to have one of those ridiculous arguments with myself over how I should feel.  You know, where you feel one way, but you tell yourself you should probably feel differently, all the while knowing that it's fine to feel the way you do.   I felt like I should be worried.  I should be planning.  I should know what I want and how it's going to happen.  But I didn't.  I still don't.  And I'm ok with that.  Because I know it's not my plan that matters anymore.

This is a hard resolve to keep!  And then God started to me this great lesson that I'm pouring out to you in this series of posts.

I had missed a few days of reading My Utmost for His Highest, and in my perfectionist way thought I should "catch up."  So I started reading through a few days, and came to February 22 devotional:

   "Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us."  

The verse for the day was Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God..."

Sometimes, I am just blown away by how God answers me.  Weeks and weeks ago, I had this question that kept sticking in my mind: God, I get that sometimes we are supposed to wait on You, and sometimes we are supposed to be bold and act, but how do I know when I'm supposed to wait?


And right at that moment, He said wait.  This is my moment to come away to a quiet place and listen to the voice of God.  To be filled, to talk, to be restored, to be challenged.

Much love to you today,

~ Redeemed.

David Crowder Band's "O Praise Him"

Ain't Going Nowhere Fast

Oh my mercy.  Do I have adventures to fill you in on!

I'm going to risk confusing you by sharing the most immediate happenings first, and then going back to the rest of the stories from the past two weeks.

Yesterday afternoon, I took my most ridiculous adventure.  My lack of directional sense is common knowledge, but I have turned getting lost into a true skill.  The plan was simple enough: take a rutiera from my street to the bridge (about twenty minutes away), catch a rutiera on the other side of the bridge, get off at Str. A. Doinici, and walk up to the Raatz's house.  If only.

I made it to the bridge just fine, but as it turns out the next number rutiera I needed to catch passes along the other side of the bridge and then turns towards the center of town.  To get to Doinci though, I was supposed to walk a block down from the bridge and catch the same number on the next corner.  That one supposedly goes the other way towards their house.  I, of course, took the first option.

Twenty minutes later, I knew something was wrong.  The leg of the journey was only supposed to take about five minutes, and I didn't recognize anything.  Suddenly I read a street sign and realized we were entering the center of town.  Uh oh, I was definitely supposed to be on the edge of Chisinau, not in the Center!  So I get off this rutiera and start walking back to the next biggest intersection where buses were headed back in the same direction as I had come.  Of course this means I had to walk a few blocks because I was on a one way street and not all the rutieras go and come by the same route.

*If you're curious as to how Chisinau is laid out, and the transportation system, check out this map.  I use this one to look up all the different rutiera (maxi taxi) routes.  For reference, I live in Botanica.  I was trying to get to a region that is a bit farther west than Buicani.


Anyways, I decided to catch a rutiera headed back to the bus station near the Raatz's.  The rutiera I chose stops at the bus station, but I though someone there could tell me which rutiera to take the rest of the way.  When the driver and one of his colleagues didn't know where Doinici was and suggested looking at a map, I impatiently refused and decided just to walk.  It would've been a great plan, if I had remembered what their street looked like.  As it happened, I walked right past it and turned down the next street.  Then I proceeded to get very confused and off track.

My annoyance and frustration were turning into concern.

Less and less rutieras were passing by.  I finally stopped one.  I climbed in to find four big tires filling the floor, a stroller in the doorway, and a man with his six month old daughter in the front.  Between my ignorance as to what the driver was trying to say to me in Russian, my confusion as to where I was, and my stunned reaction to a rutiera full of tires instead of people, they some how realized I was a crazy lost foreigner.  Amist rolling laughter, they asked where I was trying to go.  The driver agreed to take me there, so I rode along talking to the other passenger about his little girl.

When the driver dropped me off at Doinici, I figured he had dropped me off at the other end of the street. So I thanked him and paid him. As I started walking up the street, I grew a little concerned that this might not be the right Doinici street.  A couple of babushkas called out something to me, but it was in Russian so I just continued on.

Then this little brown yappy-looking dog started barking and growling at me.  The hair on his back stood up and he started coming towards me.  Normally such a pint size dog wouldn't bother me. But this is Moldova.  "The dogs are feral," as Brandon always reminds me.  I swung my bag towards the dog (keeping it strategically between my leg and the little mutt), and he backed off.  I kept my eye on him as I continued up the street.

Went I arrived at the address that matched the Raatz's my heart sunk.  The house in front of me was definitely not their's.

So I walked to end of the street and looked for the busiest intersection in sight.  I walked up to it and was greatly relieved to be able to catch a rutiera number that I knew went back to my end of Chisinau.  However, I wasn't about to let the Devil keep me from practicing and waste my afternoon, so as soon as we neared taxis, I got off the rutiera.

I picked a taxi and asked the driver if he could take me to Doinici.  He asked me which one, and I stumbled through an explanation that ended up only confusing him.  So we looked at his map, and he found Doinici street.  He was such a patient, good-spirited driver.  I'm so thankful for his good attitude, especially when I was making so little sense and completely baffled from the previous two hours of confusion.

He called a friend every five minutes to ask about where this Doinici street was.  We pulled over three times to check the map.  Finally he explained that there are three Doinici streets in Chisinau, and I should have specified the correct district.  Oops.

We make it to the right district, with my dear driver checking every so often that I recognize where we are and that it's correct.  I think he even offered to let me drive at one point.  Hah.  That'd be bad news.

We end up passing the street just like I had done on foot (not that I realized it yet).  Finding ourselves lost in a maze of residences, he pulled out the map again.  This time, he realized he had picked out the wrong Doinici street.  We turned around to go back...well, we turned around once, and then, finding ourselves at the top of a narrow dead end street, he steered us deftly down the hill in reverse.  Then he looks at me and says with quick improve, "This is completely normal."  Hahaha, oh yes, completely normal.

Once we are on a manuveurable road again, he stops and asks some people how to get back to Doinici.  They gave us directions and we continue along.  Until the cars sputters.  And then stalls.  And then stops.

Out of gas.  Great.

I lost it.  I just started laughing.... and laughing and laughing....anyways.  He turned the key in the ignition and the car would jolt forward a couple of feet.  We did this until we were at the end of the street.  Then he opened his door and pushed the car forward until we began to roll down the hill. The momentum carried us a few blocks further. Then the car simply refused to go anymore.  The driver stopped a van behind us, and the van driver graciously agreed to tow us to the nearest gas station.

A little more gas and a clear set of directions later, we set off and finally made it the Raatz's house!

I did get one beautiful shot of Chisinau during my adventure.  I'll add that in the morning :)

Praise to the One who guides my steps and leads me in the way everlasting!

I have no song. I blame B.

Lately, when I've approached writing a blogpost, I either already have a song stuck in my head, or one comes to mind that relates to what I'm writing about. I really don't have on right now.  

And Brandon is out for a couple of weeks, so my dj has left the building and my office is unusually quiet.  

The past two weeks seem like a hurricane has blown through.  Hmm...I'm pretty sure there is a NeedtoBreathe song about that, but I'm going to resist looking it up just for the sake of a title.  Back to my analogy, the course of the past two weeks was carefully tracked, all changes were monitored, and preparations were made.  One week stormed through, and then, as if the eye of the storm were passing over, God really started to speak truth into my heart this weekend.  This past week has passed like the tail end of the storm.  My energy, my faith, my emotions, my mental strength all braced tepidly, willing the rain to pass, waiting for the winds to die down, and wondering what would be left in the wake.  

Am I overwhelmed by the waters? Am I wearied by the winds?  Did the nourishment the rain should provide, instead leach me of my sustenance?   Did the strength of the wind destroy the structures of my heart and my mind?   Maybe.  

When a hurricane comes through, it leaves in its wake a messy smuttering of wreckage.  But when the sun rises and the skies clear, day seems more beautiful than before.   

In the same way, I'm physically worn down.  My voice is gravelly.  My mind was running rather slowly as work today.  And I'm tired.  Genuinely tired.  (For the record, I think my iron's just low. That's fixable.)   But I have a new clarity on life.  Maybe my "sustenance" has been washed out, but it's being replaced with Living Water.  Strength found in myself and my own ideas of nourishment will always fail.  Better to be replaced with the One who cannot.  The structures I had built in my heart and in my mind of what my job should like, what my future should hold, how I should get there, basically how my life should go, yes, have crumbled.  Not all parts, not in sheer and utter destruction.  But the weak parts, those built on weak foundations, have been unable to stand the storm.  The parts build on the Rock have stood.  The pieces of my life that I tried to build on my own, apart from Christ, have fallen down.  And with the skill of the master, He is picking up each brick and placing it on Himself.  He is my foundation, and many layers of the structure of my life are held securely on Him already, salvation, redemption, all the previous lessons He has taught me.  But somethings I foolishly still try and build in my own way on the sand.  Those it is necessary to push down and watch crumble.  

And in the aftermath, I am stunned and delighted by the beauty of my Savior.