I have no song. I blame B.

Lately, when I've approached writing a blogpost, I either already have a song stuck in my head, or one comes to mind that relates to what I'm writing about. I really don't have on right now.  

And Brandon is out for a couple of weeks, so my dj has left the building and my office is unusually quiet.  

The past two weeks seem like a hurricane has blown through.  Hmm...I'm pretty sure there is a NeedtoBreathe song about that, but I'm going to resist looking it up just for the sake of a title.  Back to my analogy, the course of the past two weeks was carefully tracked, all changes were monitored, and preparations were made.  One week stormed through, and then, as if the eye of the storm were passing over, God really started to speak truth into my heart this weekend.  This past week has passed like the tail end of the storm.  My energy, my faith, my emotions, my mental strength all braced tepidly, willing the rain to pass, waiting for the winds to die down, and wondering what would be left in the wake.  

Am I overwhelmed by the waters? Am I wearied by the winds?  Did the nourishment the rain should provide, instead leach me of my sustenance?   Did the strength of the wind destroy the structures of my heart and my mind?   Maybe.  

When a hurricane comes through, it leaves in its wake a messy smuttering of wreckage.  But when the sun rises and the skies clear, day seems more beautiful than before.   

In the same way, I'm physically worn down.  My voice is gravelly.  My mind was running rather slowly as work today.  And I'm tired.  Genuinely tired.  (For the record, I think my iron's just low. That's fixable.)   But I have a new clarity on life.  Maybe my "sustenance" has been washed out, but it's being replaced with Living Water.  Strength found in myself and my own ideas of nourishment will always fail.  Better to be replaced with the One who cannot.  The structures I had built in my heart and in my mind of what my job should like, what my future should hold, how I should get there, basically how my life should go, yes, have crumbled.  Not all parts, not in sheer and utter destruction.  But the weak parts, those built on weak foundations, have been unable to stand the storm.  The parts build on the Rock have stood.  The pieces of my life that I tried to build on my own, apart from Christ, have fallen down.  And with the skill of the master, He is picking up each brick and placing it on Himself.  He is my foundation, and many layers of the structure of my life are held securely on Him already, salvation, redemption, all the previous lessons He has taught me.  But somethings I foolishly still try and build in my own way on the sand.  Those it is necessary to push down and watch crumble.  

And in the aftermath, I am stunned and delighted by the beauty of my Savior.