The Hap...Happiest Season of All....

No, it's not Christmas.  It's THANKSGIVING!!! My favorite holiday by far (although, New Year's is a close runner-up).

Thanksgiving is all the best parts of a holiday: a break from the ordinary where we initially focus on spending time with family and friends, and of course, all while enjoying sweet potato casserole and pecan pie. Sorry, in my book, turkey just isn't the most important part.   

Do I really need to relive the adventure of last year's Thanksgiving? Ten people squeezed into Suz's room gathered around our big table, sitting on couches and the built-in shelf turned bench.  Enjoying turkey legs (I'm not so sure a whole turkey would have fit in the oven, honestly), carrot soufflé (subbing for the sweet potatoes), Moldovan placinte, and sweet tea (I had to share some southernness). But the best part was celebrating a holiday that is a definitive part of our American culture with seven other Americans that I didn't know all that well, one Brit, and one Moldovan.  As Americans, we each recognized Thanksgiving as traditional and meaningful, and even though none of us could be with our families, we all understood and shared the significance of this holiday.  And then to be able to introduce our friends from other cultures to Thanksgiving and to show them, in the deepest sense of this day, that is simply about coming together with your community, whether your family, or your friends, or the ragtag assembly you gather in a home away from home, and celebrating life and health and provision.  For the chaos and mishaps that marked our preparation, it was a beautiful celebration.

Did I mention we actually celebrated two days after?  Funny thing about working in a foreign country, we still had to work on Thursday :)

That was just one of the incredible experiences of the year in Moldova, but I'm so excited to be able to spend this Thanksgiving with my family.

So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I have a list of things I'm particularly thankful for.  Warning, these may be boring, vague, and irrelevant to you.  But I'm writing this mostly to mark in my mind the lessons of God's faithfulness and timeliness.

• Logan & Liz are back in Brazil!  If you followed their blog, you may have noticed a long gap in posts.  They had been in the States since April waiting on visa approval.  God is faithful and at the beginning of the month opened the door for them to return.  
• My cousin got his acceptance into Marine Corps OTC.  I've been expecting this since we were about 12, but it's exciting to see him finally getting to step into his dreams. 
• NEW BABIES!!!! Another dear cousin and her husband are celebrating the coming of a little one.  This new life is an answer to many years of prayer, and AAH! I'm so excited!!!  I just caught up with my former boss from Moldova, and he and his wife are expecting their first child too!!! I might have screamed and done a little dance when I read that email.  They'll be amazing parents. 
• My parking space is rented out! Hey, that helps lower my rent!
• I'm living in metro DC.  Seven beds in the first seven weeks back in the States.  Three moves in two months, but I'm here. And I know it's where I'm supposed to be for now.
• ROADTRIPS and living in the same city as some of my best friends.  
• an American passport - still one of the greatest privileges
• A bigger heart, a broader perspective, and better health than before

That's all for now.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Heading Home...

So I'm reading through Luke, and I hit this passage the other day:

"As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, 'I will follow you wherever you go.'
Jesus replied, 'Foxes have dens and birds have nests but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' "

Luke 9:57-58

I've never fully understood that verse before.  It seemed distant.  One of those verses about seeking the Kingdom of God and never being fully home until we are with Him in heaven.   A little hard to grasp when are still meant to dwell here for the time being, and we often have homes.  Not houses, homes.

A concept that is sometimes hard to explain in languages other than English.  But a home.

And as I prepare to head back to the States, I found new meaning in this verse.  Yes, my home is eternally fixed with Christ in glory.  But for now, it's actually ok to not have one singular place to call home.

I have many.  I'm at home sitting on the beach at Breach Inlet, running the dirt road at my parents' place, driving the interstate between GA and SC.  I can feel at home anywhere as long as I'm next to one of my best friends. I'm at home here in the little living room of my apartment in Chisinau too.  It's sunny and cool and familiar.

Christ grew up in a family.  In a sense he had a home; at least he had a hometown.  But He traveled throughout the country.  He went where He was led.  He didn't look back, and He didn't grieve and complain about the journey.

This is what I'm learning from that passage: that I can have many homes, many places to stay and many places I feel safe but it's always about the focus.  Are my eyes on Christ?  Do I move forward embracing each moment in each place trusting that He is leading me?

This is my journey.  Now is simply the time to move from one home to the next.

Before I head off to the final celebrations with friends here in Moldova, I thought I should post some the pictures I have promised.

From my last Sunday in Pushkin with my best friend Pasha :)

This is from the office picnic we had following paintball

Took this one on Independence Day in Centru.

Celebrated Language Day in another park with my friend Tanya.

I'll be writing next from the EST!!!!

18 Days!!!!

Yep, that's right, in 18 days I'll be crossing the vastness of the Atlantic and trading Eastern Europe for the east coast.  My itunes seems to be playing quite a few songs about going home, but I'm alternating these with country music just too make sure I'm fully prepared for the South again.

I have much deeper thoughts to share and more insights, but I just wanted to say how excited I am to be coming home.  To those of you who have prayed and given and written, you are amazing.  Thank you.

Many of you may know already that I was presented a couple of weeks ago with the opportunity to extend my term in Moldova.  It was an incredible offer.  My boss came to me with the idea, explaining that if I were interested he would pursue the funding for me to stay.  Of course, my mind just started spinning with a whole lot of different thoughts.  I'd said I would love to stay if I only had the funds and the time to see my family.  He's willing to pursue the funds?!  Another mental decision I had made was that I wouldn't pursue support from our partners.  If it were supposed to happen they would come to me. Ok, so admittedly I was laying out the wool, but suddenly the reasons I had for not staying seemed to disappear.

Trying to keep these thoughts at bay, I listened to my boss continue.  He needed to know, in as much detail as I could provide, what I would require to stay.  But because one of our partners starts their budgeting process in September and Gh was leaving for vacation the next day, he really needed to know by the end of the day.  What a way to start a Monday morning, right?  

Immediately my overly analytical, list-making, type A self started planning.  As my position would be modified, what were the professional requirements I would need to stay?  I pulled up my budget from the past year and figured out the expenses.  Would I need a new apartment, a new roommate?  I could think about that later.  Hmm....guess I shouldn't have given away my winter clothes so soon.  I could study more Romanian. I could get a tutor again.  Maybe I'll be fluent then.  


I was completely overwhelmed.  I stopped and prayed.  It's a lot harder than it sounds to give things completely over to God, especially when people are awaiting a decision from you.  As it was still only about 10 am, the United States wasn't quite awake yet, so I had a skype conversation with a friend here.  She's extended her time in Moldova a couple of times and understands both the draw to stay and the pull to return home. I knew no one could tell me to stay or to turn down the proposal, but there are moments where I would really like a prophet to walk into my life and just tell me what should happen.

Of course that didn't happen.  What did happen: I emailed my list to my boss and told him if the funds were there I would love to stay for six more months.  I attempted to focus on my work the rest of the day, but this game-changer was weighing on me heavily.  Talked to another friend.  She said, "You're young, you're single, you're not tied down, why not?"

As the sun rolled westward and more friends started to appear online, I called a couple more.  My dear cousin Jason surprised me a bit with his reaction: "What?!  No!  You've already been over there too long anyways."  Hah, ok.

Somewhere during the day I realized I was about to answer the question so many people here had asked, "Are you going to pull a Meredith and stay longer?"  To which I had repeatedly said no....

I called B and waited to see the reaction on his face.  His first words, "You want to stay another winter there?!! I mean if it were summer I'd say do it, but another winter?!"   Haha, thank you for that.

When six o'clock finally rolled around, I went home to my empty apartment.  And then I cried.  Actually I don't remember the chain of events, I just remember not sleeping, not wanting to eat, and crying.  Haha, I sound like a colicky baby.  Anyways, I called my mom to tell her about the possibility of me staying.  I was totally expecting her to protest, but I didn't want to accept it and spring it on them when I came home in September.  "Hi, Mama, Daddy, I've missed you this year, Oh btw, I'm only home for three weeks.  I've decided to stay in Moldova."  Cruel, right?

Only she didn't protest.  She got quiet, which with my internet situation made me think we'd been disconnected, and then she said, "Ok."  OK?  OK????  Huh.  That was unexpected.

Everything I had thought would make it clear whether I should stay or go, just made it all the more unclear.  The finances would be taken care of.  I would visit my family for a few weeks before extending.  They were ok with it.  I could still look for a job.  All the barriers I had seen were suddenly gone.  But I didn't have peace.

For two days I was restless. Barely slept. When I did sleep I had nightmares about my brother.  Barely ate.  And both nights, at the slightest thought of home, of the hugs that would carry the weight of only a temporary visit, the thought of missing Evan moving along in his college adventures, not having entire days to go do something fun with Elizabeth Grace, wondering if my "adopted grandparents" would stay well.....so many thoughts like this...I would cry.  I've cried from loss before, from hurt before, from disappointment and exhaustion before, but over such uncertainty, the feeling that these moments were just beyond my grasp...I'd never had such a gnawing hole in my gut.  And that's what it felt like.

So finally, Wednesday morning, I turned where I should have all along.  I shut everything else out. And I prayed.  I'm still realizing the lesson that God doesn't ask us to pray so that He knows what we want or need.  He wants us to pray so that He can give us His heart.

B had carefully asked me, "Are you sure you're not staying just because it's safe?"

I didn't want to really answer that question.  Whenever it popped up in my mind, I dismissed it with "No, it makes sense to stay."

Anyways, Wednesday morning, I opened My Utmost for His Highest and read Tuesday's devotional (did you really expect me to be reading Wednesday's?), "Is the Lord Jesus Christ being abundantly satisfied by your life, or are you exhibiting a walk of spiritual pride before him?  never let your common sense become so prominent and forceful that it pushes the Son of God to one side.  Common sense is a gift that God gave to our human nature - but common sense is not the gift of His Son."

And then I knew that I was fighting Him.  I didn't want to walk out blindly again.  I was scared to move back with no job, to face what that could mean.  Of course, I also wasn't trusting that He is God.  That He holds time in His hand.  That he knows exactly what job I need and when I need it, and not having a job right when I get home doesn't mean I won't ever become what I thought He was showing me.

Laura, an incredible blessing of a best friend, told me around that time, "Let God be God.  Stop trying to do His job."  She was right.  My God is sovereign and what He has planned for me, He will bring to fruition.  Reminded me of the verse I hit at Christmas time, "Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her of the Lord." Luke 1:45.

I was slowing allowing myself to consider turning down the offer.  Going home.

When I got to work and checked my email, another friend had sent me a devotional.  He said, "I don't know why but I think this may help as you make this decision." It was on how we shouldn't ignore our inmost desires because those are often something God has given us and that He wants to use for His glory. Then I let myself say it out loud, "I'm going home."

I finally had peace.  I knew I was supposed to go home, but it had made me feel better to say there were concrete reasons why I couldn't stay.  But God doesn't get the glory through that.  He gets the glory when I step out in faith despite all the logical answers, all the practical reasons to do otherwise.  He gets the glory, because when He provides the better answers later on, it's clear that it was only through Him.

So 18 days and I'll be wrapping my arms around my Mama and Daddy.  I can't wait to visit my best friends, for shopping errands and coffee dates and girl talk too.  I'm so excited to hang out with my favorite six year old.  Can hardly wait to see the boy at UGA.  So so many plans, and while the pieces aren't in place for a job yet or a city to move to, God's going to take care of that.  For now, I'm taking it as His blessing to be able to spend time with my friends and family.

I won't stop blogging.  This wasn't ever about Moldova anyway. It's about this journey of life :)

"I am trying to understand

How to walk this weary land.

Make straight the paths that crooked lie,

Oh Lord before these feet of mine...

Oh Lord before these feet of mine..."

from Your Hands by JJ Heller

Blessings :)

Blessings

This is the song I referenced in the previous post.

First the song,

  


Then the backstory,




Finally, the redefining of "blessings"

What If Your Mercy Comes Through Raindrops?

I have a confession.... and a new lesson to share.  

Confession:  I don't like to write blogs when I don't feel like I have something of value to say.  When I don't feel a major epiphany or breakthrough or piece of insight has been given to me. Most of the time that's probably a good thing, but there's consistency that comes through the mundane. Relax, I'm not going to start detailing how I finally got my water heater to work. 

Confession #2: I'm drinking coffee again.  In limited doses.  But I figured staying awake at work was important.  

Ok, so to the lesson part.  

My intern, Tara, just wrote a blogpost based on what she's learning from the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand.  This is the same passage we covered on Sunday at International Church as we took communion and reflected on Christ's sacrifice for us and the life He has given us.  All that simply to admit that I just wasn't feeling very connected or feed or like God was really showing me as many answers as I would like.  And then the little lesson of this weekend came together and I gained a new perspective on that story.  What if Christ had sent the people away earlier knowing that they would get hungry?  But in his wisdom and sovereignty he allowed them to get hungry in a place where there were no "reasonable" options for food.  He knew.  He had a plan.  And His plan was good.  His plan displayed his glory.  But my guess is that when their stomachs started to grumble, the disciples probably just wanted some food.  

At some point this weekend, I was struck with how in this period of waiting and struggling to wait and getting frustrated in the waiting and knowing I need to just wait, how much I have been able to appreciate people and things in ways that I wouldn't have if life hadn't ever gotten just a little bit challenging.  

Point in case, my mom's friend from high school sent me a really encouraging note.  Completely random, but perfectly timed.  (Thanks, Mrs. Monty!)  How cool is it that God can use someone I've never met, and her experiences long before I knew her, to work here and now in me!

Or how incredible a friend do I have in B who pushes me and challenges me and encourages me (and makes dumb jokes when I'm trying to complain...)?  I wouldn't have fully appreciated that friendship, and how God has just blessed it, if I didn't ever have tough situations that I couldn't make sense of myself.  

In case you didn't know, I like hard things.  I really like hard things. I find myself, all too often, trying to prove to myself my ability to handle inhuman feats.  I try to prove this to my friends and their responses tend to be along these lines, "No Emily, you can't be the ocean."  or "Emily, you are human.  Humans require sleep and food.  Both of them." 

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that weakness not only allows us to see God's strength displayed and exhibited.  It also allows us to see his power and his presence and his faithfulness.  

The title of this post is taken from "Blessings," a new song written by Laura Story.  I'll attach the video links to the background story and the actual song in a follow-up post, but the lyrics go like this:

We pray for blessings, We pray for peace,

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.

We pray for healing, prosperity,

We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering.

All the while you hear each spoken need,

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, 

What if your hearing comes through tears,

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near. 

And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear.

We cry in anger we cannot feel your near.

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love

As if every promise from your word is not enough.

And all the while you hear each desperate plea,

And long that we'd have faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops,

What if your healing comes through tears,

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?

And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win,

We know that pain reminds this heart that this is not, 

This is not our home, It's not our home.

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, 

What if your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life 

Are the revealing of a greater thirst that this life can't satisfy?

What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise?

"This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will  gather you from all the  nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jer. 29:10-14

I heard Mark Driscoll preach a sermon a while back that talked about our unanswered prayers. The point was that we pray with the intention of moving the hand of God, but his intent for prayer is to mold our hearts. This part really stood out to me, "And maybe you will see as you pray that things don't change and people don't change.  But you do. All of sudden you become, in character, increasingly more like God. You can't say this prayer didn't work because things didn't change and they didn't change. And God says, 'I love you.  And it did work.  And I wanted you to keep praying because I wanted you to change."  

So here's to the changes that happen while we wait for the changes we want. 

Much love,

Redeemed

I Will Sing of the Mercies of the LORD Forever, I will sing....I will sing...

The title is from Psalms 89:1, and but it's taken from a song I learned when I was a kid in children's choir.  It pops into my head all the time, and I find myself randomly singing it quite often.  I don't really know why I'm telling you that, except maybe to make the point that it connects the past with the present, and it reminds me of my mom, who I miss so very very much!

I'm so sorry I haven't written lately.  I've wanted to write, to update you on life, to give you some sort of a story to know where I am and what I'm doing, but I just haven't had the clarity or peace to do so.  The summer has gone by so quickly as I knew it would.  I'm really grateful now for having been able to take that trip to the Mediterranean.    This week has been good.  A solid good.  It's brought some much needed breakthroughs at work and allowed a little more peace and quiet.  And then there was paintball and a picnic in "the forest" (aka the woods) with my coworkers and their spouses/girlfriend. It was so much fun.  Here are a few pictures from paintballing. I'll put picnic pictures in a different post.

Cristina and me in our oversized paintball gear.....notice the tape!

We're thinking about hanging this picture in our office with the label "Delinquent Client Team."

The whole crew (don't strain your eyes, I was taking the picture). A few of the staff weren't able to make it. We were really hot in those outfits, but we had a great time.  L to R: Gregorie, his wife Marina, Dan, Cristina, Irina, Alina (Ghena's wife), Ghena, and Maxim.  

I have less than two months left in Moldova.  One of my best friends is constantly giving me grief about that.  He asked me the other day if I had it circled and starred on my calendar.  It's not starred... but I do have it marked (but hey, I'm likely to forget what day to show up at the airport)!

The truth is I don't know I'm supposed to feel about all of this.  What I do know is that I don't want to leave.  I don't want to leave my friends, my coworkers, this beautiful country. I really really want to see my family in person (not just through skype).  I want to see my brother's eyes light up and hear the excitement in his voice when he talks about school and the Wesleyan Foundation and his girlfriend Sarah.  I want to scoop up Elizabeth Grace in a big hug and finally be able to say and make good on my answers when she asks if we can do this or that or go here or there.  I want to spend hours sitting around the bar in the kitchen talking with my Daddy about career ideas and goals and projects over a cup of coffee.  And I want to hug all my adopted grandparents and go on drives with my best friends.  I miss my people.  Only, I know now that my circle has grown and coming home will mean missing other people as well.  

My boss has been trying to convince me to stay.  I wish I could. I'm just now fully settling into my place here.  I know what I'm supposed to doing at work (well, for the most part).  If I stayed I could do more projects and work more on learning the language.  I wish I had time for a hundred more coffee dates and taco nights and walks with my friends here.  See? Now I'm getting all sentimental. Sorry, it was bound to happen!

But I know it's time to move back for a while. And I'm so glad that God has given that peace.  Of course, I would love to know where I moving back to and what I'll be doing, but those answers will come in his time too.  At the moment what I know is this:  I've learned what he lead me here to learn and now it's time to go gain more experience and more education in the field that he is calling me too.  If I'm going to be ready for the place that he has give me a vision for, the calling he's placed within me, then I must seek out new opportunities for growth.  

I came to Moldova certain of very little.  I wanted to travel and I wanted to stay within the realm of business, but a faith-centered approach was my goal. I have this degree in finance so I thought maybe that's where I should go, but I didn't know what route was best.  So many people shared honestly and wisely with me, offering counsel and advice based on their years of experience.  For each person who was one of those people, I am forever grateful to you.  

I've decided I want to stay within international development.  It's fascinating, challenging, complex work. It's makes an impact, and when done well, it is so in a positive way.  Where in this field, I'm not quite sure.  I'd like to pursue project management certification (PMP) and eventually become a regional director.  I like the creative, intuitive side too much to stick to straight finance.  I love the relational aspects, working with people of all different backgrounds, positions, and needs.  So I'm applying for a wide variety of positions in a number of places to try and figure out how to get to those goals.

I'm starting to ramble. Bear with me, I'll make a point.

The two weeks prior to this one were incredibly hard for a whole host of reasons.  I won't bore you with details, just know it was incredibly hard.  My summer intern has had a hard time lately, but by God's grace, my rough high school years have given me a good understanding of the place that she's in.  It's wondering why am I here? why does it seem like everything I do is wrong? why do I feel so alone? why do I feel so incapable? It's the "Why Me?" stage.  Ask my mom, I've been there.

She'll pull through.  She'll hit a few more bumps in the road and probably have to cry a few more tears, but it's worth it to finally be able to move past that stage. So if you think about it, pray for Tara, because this stage is hard and unfriendly and so full of rampant emotions, but you can learn a lot in this stage, and as I'm learning, God can redeem anything for his glory.

Listening to Tara and watching this part of her journey, I've seen how my perspective has changed.  I'm just hoping this means my future kids won't turn out just like me.....

But praise the Lord, in the last five years, He's pruned and purged and taught me much more.  At the breaking point of my rough two weeks, I wanted to release some of my pent-up frustration and unvoiced fears, and though I would go for a run.  My attempt was slightly hampered by the water in our apartment unexpectedly being cut-off, so instead of a full run, I mostly walked and listened to music and continued a very honest conversation with God.

It went something like this, "God, I'm not so much scared of what will happen, although I am a little afraid.  But I know you'll provide, You've promised me that. I know it won't just be good or ok, it'll be the best.  Because You've promised that too.  I know that You love me, and I know that You are working all things for my good according to Your purpose.  You've shown me Your hand at work, when I felt useless, and I know You work even when I don't see it.  It's all for your glory, and You've got it under control.  But God, I just need a breakthrough. It feels like I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and pushing myself to go on. I feel like I've poured out and poured out. Lord, I've given You everything and what more? WHAT MORE do You want??"


Yes, I would call this the "What more?" stage.  Our questions are never too big or too hard for God to answer. But He knows that sometimes the answer we want isn't the answer we need.  This is the verse He showed me shortly there after,

"Thus says the LORD: 'Keep your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for there is a reward for your work,' declares the Lord;"  Jeremiah 31:16  

This was the word the Lord declared to Jeremiah about the Israelites He had sent into exile.  A commentary by Ray Stedman identifies two perspectives of the book of Jeremiah, one of the disobedience, punishment and eventual restoration of Israel and the other of the journey of Jeremiah the prophet who was called to prophesy all of this.  Jeremiah had gone through the 'Why me?" stage too, but when this verse comes along we find him in a different stage. He was mourning the devastation of his people.  He had been obedient to God and prophesied the downfall of his own people even when it cost him much emotional and physical pain.

So why do I relate to this passage?  I don't feel like I'm suffering unworthily or grossly misunderstood, and I'm not asking "Why me?"  But Jeremiah had moments in his journey where he couldn't see the Lord breaking through, and he needed reassurance and strength from the Lord to continue.  That's where I was in my breaking point.  "There is a reward for your work..." was the reassurance I wanted too.  Not that I would be personally rewarded with some amazing prize (and not that Jeremiah received that either), but that it would all be worth it.  That God is and was working for His purpose and for His glory.

I know the answer to "why" is "for His glory."
I know He's got the "when" worked out too...even though sometimes I get really impatient.
But the "what more" is the hardest.


What more, Lord?  What new challenge do I have to face, what new weakness while I be shown, what new heartache will I face, what new joy will I see?  What more will you ask me to give?  What more of Your love and Your faithfulness, what more of YOU will You show me? 

Waiting.

You wanna sound off but you can't find the words to,

Nothing makes sense in the way that it used to.

Can't find the plus in the positive thinking,

The well's run dry and you're not done drinking.

Clouds start coming and the sky will fall.

Clock stares back from the bedroom wall.

Now you're breathing just to make it through the night

All you need is a sunrise, just a moment of dawn

If you're lost in the twilight, close your eyes and move on

When you're tired in the waiting, 

Even though it's gonna take you a little more time

Just a little more time, 

The sun's gonna find you.

Holding your days like a stack of paper

And you're chasing the wind as the pages scatter

You can save a few, but you can't get them all back.

So get out fast, with your heart in tact.

Find yourself on the very edge

Lying awake in an empty bed

Now you're breathing just to make it through the night

All you need is a sunrise, 

Just a moment of dawn

If you're lost in the twilight, 

Close your eyes and move on

When you're tired in the waiting, 

Even though it's gonna take you 

A little more time

Just a little more time, 

The sun's gonna find you

Just a little more time, 

The sun's gonna find you

Clouds start coming and the sky will fall.

Clock stares back from the bedroom wall.

Now you're breathing just to make it through the night

All you need is a sunrise, just a moment of dawn

If you're lost in the twilight, close your eyes and move on

When you're tired in the waiting, 

Even though it's gonna take you a little more time

Just a little more time, 

The sun's gonna find you.

Sunrise.  Brandon Heath.

Your Love Comes Back Around

Some say that life you can't rewind, 

Even when time is on your side.

Some say that pain it makes you strong, 

And you find the strength to carry on.

Some say what's lost is never found, 

But I know your love comes back around.

Some say that tears are meant to fall, 

What good is crying after all?

There are mistakes you can't undo, 

Then they bring out the best in you.

Some say what's lost will soon be found, 

But I know your love is all around.

La da da da, da da, da da, da da da da, la da, da da 

La da da da, da da, da da, da da da da, la da, da da 

Some say what's lost is never found, 

But I know your love comes back around.

Sometimes your feet can leave the ground, 

But always it's love that holds you down.

Some say what's lost will soon be found, 

I know your love comes back around.

I know your love is all around,

Always your love comes back around.

Graham Colton

Even in the Shadow of Death I Will Praise You, And Even in the Valley I Will Say: HOLY, my God, You are Worthy of All My Praise!

A few weeks ago, I found out I was going to be an aunt.  Calm down, calm down.  Logan and Liz, my dear dear friends, were expecting a baby!  I count Logan as my older brother, and I adore his wife, Liz.  They're an amazing, inspiring couple, and I was so excited to hear that they were pregnant.  Amanda (another dear friend) and I were already arguing over who was going to be the coolest aunt.

Last night, Logan posted this status on facebook, "The baby didn't make it - Throw a prayer up for us if you get a chance. God is good!"

Probably not the easiest thing in the world to announce.

Tonight, I met with my friend Michelle.  We went out to dinner to celebrate the end of a long few weeks for her.  She had just finished a commitment to teach music at an English camp, and it had been really frustrating and exhausting for her.

Over pizza at our favorite Moldovan restaurant, Michelle shared her challenges and struggles of the last few weeks since we returned from our cruise.  We talked about our interns and their transitions and our new experiences as supervisors.  We giggled over our super cute Moldovan waiter (and decided his attractiveness was a three-part combination of amazing jaw structure, a real genuine smile, and that stylish, black hat all Celentano's employees have to wear).  And we talked about the exhaustion and homesickness and time constraints.

I'll be honest: it was refreshing not to hear someone else's struggles, but just simply to be able to focus on someone else's life.

Too often I become self-absorbed.  Not intentionally trying to focus it all on me, but becoming consumed with the thoughts and fears and hopes and frustrations of my job-search, my relationships, my projects at work, my personal walk of faith.  None of which are bad to consider.  They need attention and commitment, and I need to constantly surrender them to Christ.  But more often, I need to shut down my self-analysis for a while and just listen to someone else.  To take a few minutes to listen, to really listen.  Not seeking advice. Not wondering what I can learn from them and their situations, but just listening to them.  Being silent and letting them pour out what has been bottled up within them.  Focusing on their needs and struggles and challenges and successes.  Rejoicing with them, and crying with them.

I don't always have a profound word of advice to share.  I certainly don't know what it feels like to lose your child.  But I know loss.  We all know loss. We've all had the valleys, the dark moments, those times when everything seems to go wrong.  When one minute you are so full of excited anticipation, and the next everything seems to come crashing down around you.  Moments of exhaustion.  Moments of weariness.  Moments where even though you may be an adult all you want to do is curl up in your parents' bed and have your mom make everything better.  Moments where all we can find to pray is "God, help."

It's these moments where we need friends.  We need to be loved, to be prayed over, to be prayed with.  We need encouragement and understanding. We need our brothers and sisters in Christ to intercede on our behalf. Because our God is faithful.  He is good.  He is righteous.  And sometimes we just need to be reminded of that until we can say it again on our own.

Tonight, will you just stop and pray with me for Logan and Liz, for healing and hope and wholeness once again, for peace in spite of the pain?  Will you pray for renewed strength and patience for Michelle this week?

And if you're feeling a little too consumed with thoughts and fears and concerns over your own present situation, look up from the notebook of scribbled plans and back-up plans for your future and look around at the people you love.  Forget about yourself for a little while, a listen to someone else's story.

~ Redeemed

Silence for a moment.

It's a strange time for me anticipating the season to come yet active in the present.  My goal for now is to embrace the changes to come instead of bracing through them.  So I've decided to fast.  Three days, and yes there is symbolism in that.  It's a juice fast, no worries, I still need to be able to work and all.  But as I embrace this season of change, my heart echoes Peter in John 6.

"So Jesus said to the Twelve, 'Do you want to go away as well?' Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.' "John 6:67-68 (ESV)

I'm about to be thrown back into America and jobs and rent payments and cell phones and time changes and all of that.  About to leave my wilderness for a new land.  It's time to journey home.  But it's not time to turn away, to dismiss all that I've learned here.  Oh, how I understand Peter here.  Lord, if I don't look to You, then who could I possibly look to?  YOU, You Alone, have the words of eternal life, and truly I have come to not only believe but to know that you are the Holy One of God.  How could I ever want anything more?  


Funny that this confession of Peter's should follow Christ's lesson on the Bread of Life.

John 6: 47-57

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life.  Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died.  This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die.  I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.  And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.

The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, 'How can this man give us his flesh to eat?'

So Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day,  For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.  Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.  As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me."

And then skipping down to verses 60-63:

"When many of his disciples hear it, they said, 'This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?'

But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, 'Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before?  It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.'"

I'm fasting because I need to be fed by the Spirit and to feed on the Spirit.  I have no other rock to cling to, but the Rock of my salvation.

I don't normally agree with making it known that you are fasting, but I could use the prayers of other believers.  There is strength and power in the unity of the saints.  So if you are so led, then I would love for you to join me in fasting.  If you are led to pray, then please join me in prayer.  Obedience isn't easy, but it is always blessed.

And if you are wondering what to pray: "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;"  Romans 8:26 (NASB)

You don't have to pray for me.  Just pray.  Seek His face.  It's not about a breakthrough or answer.  It's about knowing Him and keeping our hearts and eyes fixed on the Source of our Life!

Much love,

Redeemed

Georgia, Sweet Georgia....

Georgia girl got her some peaches.

I just thought you should know.  They make me do this ->   :)

Mmmm....

So, I will write I real post soon. It's on my list of things to do.  The inspiration has been lacking the past couple of weeks though.  My mind has been slow to get back up to speed at work.  I've found a job that I'm applying for.  My summer intern from the States arrived Sunday.  She's a delight.  It's been so nice having another person in the office, and I have to laugh a little inside as I watch her take in Moldova knowing that I was there myself 8.5 months ago.

I'm preparing to come back home.  Not just physically applying for jobs.  When God is preparing me for things, He is gracious enough to slowly adjust my heart sometimes too.  It happened that way when my family first moved to Metter.  Oh how badly I wanted to live Richmond Hill by the time the real move came!  I moved to Moldova so quickly that I didn't really need that same adjustment.  But leaving Moldova is another story.  I'm going to be torn.  There are going to be dear dear friends here that I have to say good-bye not knowing when I'll get to see them again.  But my whole spirit starts to tingle with excitement as I anticipate the embrace of my family and friends back in the States. There's a burden of loving people that you carry with you no matter where you travel. It's heavy, and sometimes it's hard.  But I can't imagine being without it.

I could make a list of the people that I simultaneously want to cry and burst into laugher at the thought of seeing again soon, but I think it wouldn't mean as much to you.

Just know this, my heart is being prepared.  I know when September comes, it will be time to head home.  I'll be ready.

I don't how I'll say, "Pe mai tirziu" (later on) to this country that has become my home and to the people that have forever impacted my life.  But I'm not going to try and figure that out.

I've got the summer here and a beautiful summer it is!

And in case you're wondering, it's 75 today :)

When I'm Alone, I Sleep Late, It's Crazy I Know...

Warning: It's too far past midnight to expect this to be lengthy and indepth.  Just a simple note tonight.  


I came home from work tonight, and had the privilege of sharing dinner and conversation with my two beautiful friends Evelina and Nina.  They're such great people.  And they really are beautiful, but they're also the kind of women that you don't understand how truly beautiful they are until you get to know them.  I could on, but really, I think that simple idea is best for now. 


Then after they left, I finished cleaning up and flopped on my bed to skype a friend...or two....or three.  And in the middle of two conversations I jumped up to go wash my face and brush my teeth and all those things that normal people decided to do when they realize it's starting to get late and they may be getting tired soon.  Anyways, it occurred to me that maybe I should be doing something with my evening.  And then the ridiculousness of that thought hit me.  I am doing something with my time. Something of the utmost importance: loving people.


Somehow, I had found myself skyping with two of my best friends, emailing another best friend, reading a facebook message from another friend, facebook chatting with one of the girls from the summer camp I helped with last summer.  And it wasn't just small talk. 


Two of them were pouring out their hearts with such honesty about the challenges they are each facing.  I could encourage a little and point them to Christ again and again, but I don't have the specific answers to their situations.  Yet somehow, it helps to just listen.  I love them, and I love how even as they write to me about what's going on, they begin to remind themselves to cast it all on Christ. I am so grateful to have these two sisters who are willing to travel this journey of life with me! 


The little girl from camp was telling me all about her life in the way that only a twelve year old does, with excitement and the openness of a child that sincerely trusts that I care.  Can I just tell you how incredibly humbling that thought was?  


One friend wrote just a short email but the message of what she has learned and is learning, is an answer to prayer.  One of my best friends was encouraging me to take a leap of faith (and have a "Peter moment" - that willingness to jump as soon as God gives the word) as I begin the job hunt.  


And then, just in case you think I'm implying that only philosophical or emotionally doused conversation are worthwhile, let me assure you that one of my favorite moments is when my other best friends messages me that she's bored, and we joke about the trivial things, and discuss the craziness of weather, and our distaste for biology.  We're close enough friends that every conversation doesn't have to be so intense.


I flopped back down on my bed with a new appreciation for the opportunity and privilege, seriously, privilege, of being able to spend time with each one of my friends.


So what did I do with my night?  Well, I loved :)




Oh, and one quick note, Wednesday is the final day to vote in the Chase Community Giving on Facebook.  One of my favorite organizations, Water Missions International, already won $25,000 in the first round, but in the second round they are competing for a shot at $500,000 to establish a Global Water Center to train people from around the world in "the best practices in the fields of Water, Sanitation, and Hygiene." So to vote, go HERE.  









Title taken from "When I'm Alone" by Brandon Heath

It's Over.

Yes.  You heard me right.  It's over.

Coffe and I have gone our separate ways.

No good was coming from this relationship, so it seemed best to just end it.

Don't worry, I'm not too devastated.  Back to my first love, water and ice cubes.

I'm a big ice cube fan.  Have I said that before?

It's not easy being an ice cube fan in Europe, but it's possible.

On and On We Go, Time and Time Again...

It's only been a week since I last posted, I think, but it seems like longer.  I've been meaning to tell you about Easter weekend (such fun), but it's been a long, long week.  Lots of work, little sleep, planning trips, and trying to be there for friends, and oh yeah, starting to look for jobs.  Let's just say, I could use a really big hug and my neck could use a really good massage.

Crazy things about this weekend: most of the rest of my friends at CSU graduated yesterday.  Today officially marks a day since I graduated.  And now, it's like I'm no longer ahead of the game.  I know, sometimes my perspectives are a little unique, but hey, I'm just being honest.  It's strange to think that they were still there to begin with, but now to know they are entering the world as graduates is a little wild.  Did I mention, I was supposed to graduate yesterday?  Of course, that would have been following man's plan.  God had other ideas, and I have no regrets of following His plan :)

And while I'm rambling, I'll throw this out there too....if you're bored in your prayer time, or have a few extra moments, please please please pray for God to lay out the path before me for where I am supposed to go next.  I have no idea where to go.  I have a vague idea of what I'd like to do, but how to find those positions is quite the task.  Having to analyze my past year, update my resume, and compose myself in more cover letters seems like a daunting task (yes, I know it's ironic that I fear doing this for myself, but I love doing it for my friends).  There are a lot of desires and hopes in my heart that maybe only God needs to know right now, but "the heart is deceitful above all else" so pray, please, for my obedience to where He leads me next, for closeness in my continued walk with Him so that my heart and thoughts are consumed with Him, and that He'll bring the right job before me, because honestly I'm scared of a lot of things.  "For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

Other exciting news: I'm getting a BEACH DAY SOON!!!!  I LOVE the beach.  It's rather fundamental to my sanity.  Or at least, I like to think so.  At any rate, I'm heading out to Italy, Friday,  with another friend.  We'll spend a few days in Rome, then we have a cruise booked to explore the Mediterranean including Crete, Ephesus, and Athens.  Greece has been on the top of my list of places to travel to, for quite a while....  But I have another confession, I'm trying really hard to be purely excited about this adventure.  Hopefully it'll be a refreshing time before this next season of life.   But it's honestly hard to leave knowing there is work to be done, but even more, that this is a opportunity many of my dear friends here in Moldova won't get.  Italy and Greece are two of the hardest places for Moldovans to get visas to, and they are required to have visas even if just traveling as tourists.  

Tomorrow is yet another holiday for Moldova.  This makes our third Monday off work.  I'll be doing some work from home, anyways.  Hopefully, I'll be able to write a little more and tell you about Easter in the Dova.

Since it's still Mother's Day in the States, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Mama!!! I'm so incredibly blessed by you and your constant support  (even when I do crazy things like move to Moldova). Thanks for standing your ground, even when I didn't think you knew best.  You taught me how to be strong.  Thank you for showing me what hospitality looks like, what love looks like, what commitment looks like.  I love you!!!

Oh and a gift should be showing up in a few days....you know how I am with timing ;)


Title taken from "On and On" by Tenth Avenue North

Love is a River That Flows Through; Love Never Fails You...

Well, it's been an interesting week.  I have a much to tell you about last weekend, but tonight, I have something else to share.  I think I've mentioned sometime before that sometimes I pray things, forget about what I prayed, and then suddenly one day realize God just answered that prayer.  He did that again this week.  I remember praying before I even left for Moldova, that God would teach me how to love like He loves.  Of course, I don't suddenly have it all figured out, but He's definitely been teaching me how He loves.  He's been showing me His love in other people.  I've been really challenged by the lives of some of the people around me and the ways that they are demonstrating Christ's love.  This week though, I was confronted by someone who didn't display that love.

Ok, I'll go ahead and get this out so you can gasp and then we can move on.  I went on a date.

Yes, a date.  Have you gasped?  Are we good now?

First, I should admit that I shouldn't have ever agreed to go.  I knew going into it that I wasn't interested. If you've been reading my blog, then you've read what I'm learning about focus and faithfulness.  But at any rate, I finally agreed to go.  And it was fine.  I've known the guy for a couple of months, and he seemed nice enough, plus he was involved in business and missions too.  We had always had pretty good conversations, but I wasn't interested in anything more than gaining a friend in the same field.

After the date, I went back to my life.  I didn't really think much of it. Two days later, the guy starts messaging me on skype (because I was conveniently without a phone) asking if I'd go out again that night.  It was going to be my first night in that week, and I was really looking forward to getting caught up on some other things.  So I tried to gracefully decline, and said my excuse was lame.  Then he lays out his timeline of wanting to get to know me in all of two weeks before he leaves Moldova.  So being honest, I explained that I've recently discovered that I need to be fully committed to where God has placed me and that I was losing my focus by just dropping it all to go out with him.  He said that's not what he wanted, but he continued to press for a second and a third date.  At a loss for how else to convey myself, I told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship beyond friends or in rushing to get to know each other before he leaves.  He acknowledged my statement, but then continued to see if he could change my mind.  He tried to invite himself to my office, and when I said no, he tried to negotiate not coming in exchange for a date (please tell me where is there a positive in that one for me?).  The conversation finally ended.

However, he did still show up at my office the next day and tried to apologize with a gift.  I just asked him to leave.

So why am I sharing this?  Trust me, not so you can be amused or annoyed or outraged.  Not so I can vent.  Honestly, I'm struggling to write this post, because I don't want to disgrace him or hurt someone's testimony or seem like I'm just complaining about a bad day.  I'm only giving you this much of the story, so that you can really understand how God showed Himself to me through this.

The whole situation blindsided me.  I didn't see it coming (which is a lesson in guarding against the little things), yet I was surprised at the speed of my reaction.  But maybe more surprising was that I didn't question what I had to do.  God has given me a focus and calling to be faithful, and God doesn't contradict Himself.  He's also been teaching me slowly and carefully through lots of little things how to view relationships, how to see His hand in them, and the focus of this post: how He defines and intends for love to be.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, you're probably thinking, "Emily, it was just one date.  Love isn't supposed to be a consideration yet."  I understand that it may sound like a big leap, but it's not.  Because love doesn't start with a boyfriend or girlfriend, with an engagement, with a marriage.  Love starts with God.

1 John 4:8 "...because God is love."  

Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God..."   

John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." 

And God commands us to first love Him, and then to love others (Lev. 18:19, Duet. 6:5, Matt. 22:37-40).  So love is fundamental.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 

1 Corinthians 13:13

"If I speak in the tongues of mean and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3*

*Note: written through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit by Paul - a single guy.

Now if you have a few minutes, please stop and watch this video: I will wait for you. 

Please don't cringe because of the title or ignore it because it's targeted to single people.  Watch it anyways, and listen to the truths of God's power, of God's purpose and of how we, as men and women of Christ, are meant to reflect Him.  It'll challenge you, I promise.  

My favorite line in the poem is:

 "'In the beginning was the Word,' and he didn't even sound or shine like Your Son." 

That pretty much sums it up.  But you know I'll break it down a little more :) 

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient.  God is not rushed.  "But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord on day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." 2 Peter 3:8  

If this guy were walking with God in trying to date me, he wouldn't have rushed.  In his haste he was careless and selfish. God is the author of time, the Alpha and Omega, and He already has the timing figured out.   

Love is kind.  I remember distinctly at one point in the middle of the conversation the guy said, "I'm sorry to put you through this."  My immediate thought was "then don't." 

He said at the end of the conversation, "I'm not trying to barge into your life and change your plans." A few minutes later: "That's a lie.  I am trying to barge in and change your plans."  

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, i will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20  

The One who gave his life for us, knocks.  He doesn't force his way in.  A man of God would do the same. 

Love is selfless.  We don't really have to look any further than the cross of calvary to see selfless love.  

"In this the love of God was manifest among us, that god sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  

If this guy were loving selflessly like Christ, he wouldn't have tried to change my convictions.  In fact, as a man of God, he would have honored them.  He wouldn't have been so consumed with his own desire to get to know me, that he disregarded my feelings, my focus, and my faith.  

So while that relationship must be set aside, Christ has strengthened my heart.  And now, I know clearly how I'll know the man my Father does have picked out for me.  He'll be a reflection of Christ in every way that the love of God flows through him.  My "list" of qualifications was just reduced to one point. 

 Last night, I went for a long walk around Botanica.  It was a good.  Just a time to talk with God.  I asked him, "Lord, where do I go from here?"  And He replied, "Just keep your eyes on me."  To which I heard myself say, "Yes sir!" (which kinda made me laugh, but my parents raised me to say sir and ma'am...)

But this wasn't just lesson of seeing how we can fail to reflect God's love; He's showing me His love through other people as well, and He's teaching me to love through His Holy Spirit.  

"By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit....so we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.  By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world."  

1 John 4:13, 16-17

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."  1 John 3:18

May we, as the body of Christ, as those filled with His Holy Spirit, love as God is love.  And He continue to perfect His love in each one of us.  

Take a few minutes and just meditate on Love.  While you do, listen to this song: Love Never Fails

"When my heart won't make a sound,

When I can't turn back around,

When the sky is falling down,

Nothing is greater than this, greater than this....

Cause Love is right here, 

Love is alive,

Love is the Way, the Truth, the Life,

Love is the River that flows through,

Love is the arms that are holding you

And Love is a place you will fly to

Love never fails you."

"Love Never Fails" by Brandon Heath

I Will Follow You...

Through green pastures

And sing hallelujah to Your Name.

I will follow You through dark disasters

And sing hallelujah through the pain.

And even in the shadow of death

I will praise You

And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

And You are seated on You throne in heaven

And You see all of us down here

And You promised You will not abandon

So I shall not fear

And even in the shadow of death 

I will praise You

And even in the valley I will say

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star 

And You taught them how to shine

You knew my name before there was time

All this is part of Your glorious design

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

Holy, My God

You are worthy of all my praise

You are worthy of all my praise

"All My Praise" by Selah (click this link to listen to the song)

This is the song that has been on repeat both on my computer and in my heart and soul.  

I don't have any clue what all God is working together right now, but it doesn't matter whether I do or not. What I know is that my God is good. The Alpha and Omega has never failed.  He is ever present and ever faithful.  And the Truth is faithful to His promises.  He is worthy of all praise!  Not just for what He's done and for what He is doing, but for who He is!  

I listened to a sermon from Stephen Furtick tonight as I was making a mess in the kitchen.  Furtick spoke about anxiety, talking about how it grieves the heart of God when we are anxious in our hearts.  Anxiety is a sin! But he also explained that anxiety usually starts with an unmeet need in our hearts.  The issue is how we view God in the midst of our needs. And I really want to share the three points Furtick made of what God is NOT:  

   1) God is not incompetent.

   2) God is not indifferent.

   3) God is not forgetful.

Ok, great.  Right?  A list.  Just what you needed. Read them out loud.  Take captive the doubts that fill your heart.  Go on, read them out loud.  Good!  

As He tends to do, God took that simple list and starting working in my heart.  Joy has been on my heart and in my mind a lot lately, and tonight He showed me a little more about anxiety and joy.  In Jeremiah, we see God warn the Israelites that He is sending them as exiles into the land of Babylon. Why?  

"And when you tell his people all these words, and they say to you,'Why has the LORD pronounced all this great evil against us?  What is our iniquity?  What is the sin that we have committed against the LORD our God?' then you shall say to them; 'Because your fathers have forsaken me, declares the LORD,and have gone after other gods and have served and worshiped them, and have forsaken me and have not kept my law, and because you have done worse than your fathers, for behold, 

every one of you follows his stubborn, evil will, refusing to listen to me.' "  

Jeremiah 16:10-12

But this is the promise that the Lord gave to the exiles:   

     "For thus says the LORD: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me.  When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." Jeremiah 29:10-14

Each of those three points of "what God is not" are confirmed in this Scripture!  So how do we handle the exile that comes before the fulfillment of the promise?

Before He gave them the promise, but after He had told them of the exile, He said, 

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, 

whose trust is the LORD.  

He is like a tree planted by water, 

that sends out its roots by the stream,

 and does not fear when heat comes, 

for its leaves remain green, 

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

 for it does not cease to bear fruit."

  The heart is deceitful about all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?  

"I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, 

to give every man according to his ways, 

according to the fruit of his deeds."  

Jeremiah 17:7-10

It just hit me when I read this passage this time...an unmeet need in our hearts and deceptive hearts.  

If we know our hearts are deceptive, how careful we must be to keep our hearts focused on Christ  ("Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." Luke 10:27) when we have unmeet needs.  Why else would we be told "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life (ESV)" or "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (NIV)" Proverbs 4:13?

So back to Jeremiah and the Israelites....here they are being told they will be sent into exile, and yet "blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD."  And then that man described as "planted by water."  Are you seeing this?  The man who trust in the LORD is like a tree planted by water.  Who is the Living Water, the source of our life??? Yeah, the LORD.  Jeremiah 17:13b "for they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living water." So when we trust in God, we are planted in the source of life!  When our hearts are fixed on the LORD, our wellspring is a never-failing, never-weakening source of strength and life!  

"He does not fear when heat comes....is not anxious in the year of drought."  The man who trusts in the LORD faces the heat,  faces the drought. "For its leaves remain green...it does not cease to bear fruit." In the heat and the drought, the tree is sustained by the source of water.  And not just sustained at a minimum level of survival, but with green green leaves and fruit!   Our source of life is the Creator of the universe.  The LORD Almighty not only sustains those who trust in Him, but he brings forth fruit in them!  

What a message for those about to enter capitivity, soon to be taken from their homeland, up-rooted!  Plant yourself by what cannot be removed from you, and He will bring you life and work beautiful things in and through you, even in a strange place, even in desperate times, even in times of despair.  

In John 16:31-33, Jesus was telling the disciples what to expect, 

"Jesus answered them, 'Do you now believe?  Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, 

when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone.  Yet I am not alone, 

for the Father is with me.  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  

In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

The Israelites had rejected God.  He sent them into exile so that he could call them back to himself.  In Hebrews, we are told that we will receive the discipline of God. 

 "Consider him [Jesus] who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

  'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, 

nor be weary when reproved by him. 

 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, 

and chastises every son whom he receives.'

It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as son. 

 For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?" Hebrews 12:3-7

*Note here: The Israelites were warned beforehand  that they would be taken into exile, and in both John and Hebrews, we are also warned beforehand of the tribulation we would face in the world and of the discipline we would receive as the children of God.  How gracious is He to tell us before!!!  

 Back to Hebrews....so then it continues to exhort us to endure the discipline of God our Father:

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields 

the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Heb. 12:11

Did anyone else catch the fruit thing?  Remember back in Jeremiah, the man who trusts in the LORD "does not cease to bear fruit."  Here we are told one of those fruits: "the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

The last verse we read in Jeremiah said, "I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his hands." His discipline comes as He searches our hearts, our deceitful hearts, our hearts that are the wellsprings of life, not to punish us, but to prepare us, to mold us into the people He has called us to be.

  

"Therefore lift your dropping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for you feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint by rather be healed."  Heb. 12:12-13

Ok, jumping back one more time, Jeremiah, the prophet who was the one to deliver the messages to the people (not the most fun, safe, or enjoyable job), cried out to God in chapter 17 verse 14, 

"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise."

Oh that we could fully embrace the joy of the LORD in every situation!  

"Through him [Jesus] then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, 

that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name."

Hebrews 13:15

LORD, forgive me of my doubt, of my anxiety, of my stubborn refusal to give everything over to You!  You are my Redeemer, and I pray that when I can't see a way, I will look to You, the WAY!  When I am weary, Lord, restore me in Your strength not my own.  For You are my strength and my shield, my portion forever.  God, may we each walk boldly forward into the lives You have called us to.  May we be deeply rooted in You so that come the deserts of loneliness, the heat of joblessness, the stress of bills to pay and low bank accounts, the fear of not knowing what's next, come what may, we will be filled in You.  You have overcome this world!  You are our Victor!  You are our very breathe of life.  LORD, make us steadfast in the trials and faithful in even the very thoughts of our hearts.  You are the song of my lips!  To You be ALL praise. FOREVER.  Fill Your people with Your power that our lips may ever praise you and that by Your strength will REJOICE in all things!! The joy of the Lord is my strength!!!