I talked to one of my older people's this past weekend, and Mrs. Francis says as she always does, "Whatchoo know?" where most people would ask "How are you?" The one resounding lesson I've learned over the past year and a half, and the only thing I truly know, is God is faithful.
Some days it's harder to remember how that affects what I do and how I do it. Today everything felt futile. I spend all day at my job trying to be patient and understanding with the members who call in with questions. Sometimes it's almost a game to me to see how long I can go on politely rewording "I can't help you, but let me transfer you to someone who can." While it's an amusing exercise, it's much harder to play that charade with yourself.
Instead of patiently and optimistically reassuring myself, I got honest. This job should not be that stressful. In and of itself, it's not that big a deal. It's only stressful because I'm trying to do more with the position than is required. This job is really just meant to be simple administrative work. But the truth is admin work bores me. I unconsciously start trying to figure out better ways to do things.Maybe I should give up and resign myself to quietly doing only what is asked of me. Why do I continue to hope that if I try my hardest, it'll make a difference?
The frustration isn't limited to my work though. It kills me that somehow the fact that I've been led to live in a different place equates to the idea that I'm too busy and caught up in my-supposed-life to care about people who mean the world to me. It just seems like, why do I try to maintain these relationships when the response is incredulous surprise when I call to catch up? That's the hardest thing about moving away. Convincing people that moving away does not equal moving on.
It's not just those separated by distance. For some reason, God won't let me walk away from my friendship with Brandon. It would be so much easier too. In this season of our lives, I know I can't expect any thing back, but God is showing me what it means to be the broken bread and poured out wine for His glory. Learning isn't always easy though. Particularly in a culture that says it's desperate, reckless, or foolish to give without expectation. Have you noticed that? Our culture is so caught up in entitlements: "I deserve to be treated this way," "I've earned such and such," "I'm have a right to ....."
In Romans, Paul implores the early Church, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Following this comes a whole list of examples of how life first offered in sacrifice to God, then renewed and transformed by the gift of the Holy Spirit results in a life that's counter-cultural. The cool part? A counter-cultural life can be the greatest demonstration of the incomprehensible love of God.
Philippians 2:5-7 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant." That verse than continues on to explain the great depth of Christ's servitude and obedience. "Being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heave and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:8-11)
That's helped pull me out of my place of self-deprecation. This is right. I am to be poured out and broken for Him. All for His glory, through His strength, compelled by His steadfast love and abounding mercy.
My favorite song at the moment is an updated hymn:
"Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why.
So cheer up my brothers,
Live in the sunshine.
We'll understand this, all by and by.
Tempted and tried, I wondered
Why the good man dies, bad man thrives,
And Jesus cries because he loves them both.
We're all castaways in need of rope,
Hanging by the last threads of our hope.
In a house of mirrors full of smoke.
Confusion, Illusions, I've seen.
And where did I go wrong?
I sang along to every chorus of the song
That the Devil wrote like a piper at the gates
Leading mice and men down to their fates.
But some will courageously escape
The seductive voice with a heart of faith
While walkin' that line back home.
So much more to life than we've been told
It's full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold, my wayward son.
That deadweight burden weighs a ton.
Go down to the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you've done
Forgiveness alright
Farther along, we'll know all about it
Farther along, we'll understand why
So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We'll understand this, all by and by
Still I get hard press on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin' for my soul
And I've go no place left to go
Cause I got changed by what I've been shown
More glory than the world has know
Keeps me ramblin' on
Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I'm free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I'll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me
And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the Son of God is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we're the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing, "Lord, come soon"
Farther along, we'll know all about it
Farther along, we'll understand why
So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We'll understand this, all by and by"
Josh Garrels
Blessings,
Emily
