Ok, I'll go ahead and get this out so you can gasp and then we can move on. I went on a date.
Yes, a date. Have you gasped? Are we good now?
First, I should admit that I shouldn't have ever agreed to go. I knew going into it that I wasn't interested. If you've been reading my blog, then you've read what I'm learning about focus and faithfulness. But at any rate, I finally agreed to go. And it was fine. I've known the guy for a couple of months, and he seemed nice enough, plus he was involved in business and missions too. We had always had pretty good conversations, but I wasn't interested in anything more than gaining a friend in the same field.
After the date, I went back to my life. I didn't really think much of it. Two days later, the guy starts messaging me on skype (because I was conveniently without a phone) asking if I'd go out again that night. It was going to be my first night in that week, and I was really looking forward to getting caught up on some other things. So I tried to gracefully decline, and said my excuse was lame. Then he lays out his timeline of wanting to get to know me in all of two weeks before he leaves Moldova. So being honest, I explained that I've recently discovered that I need to be fully committed to where God has placed me and that I was losing my focus by just dropping it all to go out with him. He said that's not what he wanted, but he continued to press for a second and a third date. At a loss for how else to convey myself, I told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship beyond friends or in rushing to get to know each other before he leaves. He acknowledged my statement, but then continued to see if he could change my mind. He tried to invite himself to my office, and when I said no, he tried to negotiate not coming in exchange for a date (please tell me where is there a positive in that one for me?). The conversation finally ended.
However, he did still show up at my office the next day and tried to apologize with a gift. I just asked him to leave.
So why am I sharing this? Trust me, not so you can be amused or annoyed or outraged. Not so I can vent. Honestly, I'm struggling to write this post, because I don't want to disgrace him or hurt someone's testimony or seem like I'm just complaining about a bad day. I'm only giving you this much of the story, so that you can really understand how God showed Himself to me through this.
The whole situation blindsided me. I didn't see it coming (which is a lesson in guarding against the little things), yet I was surprised at the speed of my reaction. But maybe more surprising was that I didn't question what I had to do. God has given me a focus and calling to be faithful, and God doesn't contradict Himself. He's also been teaching me slowly and carefully through lots of little things how to view relationships, how to see His hand in them, and the focus of this post: how He defines and intends for love to be.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, you're probably thinking, "Emily, it was just one date. Love isn't supposed to be a consideration yet." I understand that it may sound like a big leap, but it's not. Because love doesn't start with a boyfriend or girlfriend, with an engagement, with a marriage. Love starts with God.
1 John 4:8 "...because God is love."
Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning, God..."
John 1:1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
And God commands us to first love Him, and then to love others (Lev. 18:19, Duet. 6:5, Matt. 22:37-40). So love is fundamental.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13
"If I speak in the tongues of mean and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3*
*Note: written through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit by Paul - a single guy.
Now if you have a few minutes, please stop and watch this video: I will wait for you.
Please don't cringe because of the title or ignore it because it's targeted to single people. Watch it anyways, and listen to the truths of God's power, of God's purpose and of how we, as men and women of Christ, are meant to reflect Him. It'll challenge you, I promise.
My favorite line in the poem is:
"'In the beginning was the Word,' and he didn't even sound or shine like Your Son."
That pretty much sums it up. But you know I'll break it down a little more :)
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient. God is not rushed. "But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord on day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." 2 Peter 3:8
If this guy were walking with God in trying to date me, he wouldn't have rushed. In his haste he was careless and selfish. God is the author of time, the Alpha and Omega, and He already has the timing figured out.
Love is kind. I remember distinctly at one point in the middle of the conversation the guy said, "I'm sorry to put you through this." My immediate thought was "then don't."
He said at the end of the conversation, "I'm not trying to barge into your life and change your plans." A few minutes later: "That's a lie. I am trying to barge in and change your plans."
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, i will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20
The One who gave his life for us, knocks. He doesn't force his way in. A man of God would do the same.
Love is selfless. We don't really have to look any further than the cross of calvary to see selfless love.
"In this the love of God was manifest among us, that god sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
If this guy were loving selflessly like Christ, he wouldn't have tried to change my convictions. In fact, as a man of God, he would have honored them. He wouldn't have been so consumed with his own desire to get to know me, that he disregarded my feelings, my focus, and my faith.
So while that relationship must be set aside, Christ has strengthened my heart. And now, I know clearly how I'll know the man my Father does have picked out for me. He'll be a reflection of Christ in every way that the love of God flows through him. My "list" of qualifications was just reduced to one point.
Last night, I went for a long walk around Botanica. It was a good. Just a time to talk with God. I asked him, "Lord, where do I go from here?" And He replied, "Just keep your eyes on me." To which I heard myself say, "Yes sir!" (which kinda made me laugh, but my parents raised me to say sir and ma'am...)
But this wasn't just lesson of seeing how we can fail to reflect God's love; He's showing me His love through other people as well, and He's teaching me to love through His Holy Spirit.
"By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit....so we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world."
1 John 4:13, 16-17
"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18
May we, as the body of Christ, as those filled with His Holy Spirit, love as God is love. And He continue to perfect His love in each one of us.
Take a few minutes and just meditate on Love. While you do, listen to this song: Love Never Fails
"When my heart won't make a sound,
When I can't turn back around,
When the sky is falling down,
Nothing is greater than this, greater than this....
Cause Love is right here,
Love is alive,
Love is the Way, the Truth, the Life,
Love is the River that flows through,
Love is the arms that are holding you
And Love is a place you will fly to
Love never fails you."
"Love Never Fails" by Brandon Heath
Love this :)
ReplyDelete