Hello friends :) I know it's been about a week since my last post, and that one didn't really say too much (did you like the pictures?). To be quite honest, I've haven't known what to say. Somedays I want to write so many things, but I feel restrained, sometimes by the Holy Spirit (probably keeping me from saying the wrong things or saying too much) and sometimes by my own confusion.
In a lot of ways, I've adjusted to life in Moldova pretty well. There are still some things though, that I haven't been able to fully grasp yet. I'm used to squeezing into a rutiera to travel around Chisinau (admittedly, I'm still not very familiar with the other parts of Chisinau) and to walking everywhere I can. I've gotten used to walking to work in the snow and dealing with limited control of heating, to produce stands spilling their fresh goods onto the sidewalks, to meeting my landlady and having an awkward limited vocabulary conversation every time I need to pay rent, to waiting over half an hour to pay my bills in the post office, to being told one thing about a project only to be told something different a little while later, to taking off my shoes at the door every time I enter anyone's apartment, and even to using a French press to make my coffee each morning. These examples are outward adjustments though. The first, most easily made adaptations to a new culture revolve around one's habitat. The more difficult adjustments revolve around mindsets.
One of the best things that came from my Christmas/New Year's trip to Austria and the Czech was the chance to learn more about the influence of communism throughout Eastern Europe. Sean and I did quite a bit of touring. The amount of world history that I studied in grade school and in university grossly minimized the depth of the history here. The governments here may be younger than my country, but the history of the regions goes back much farther than the United States'. From Prague Castle to the Communist Museum, the history was laid out before me, particularly the history since World War II. I hadn't fully grasped the rapid switch some nations dealt with as Nazi Germany withdrew and the Communist Soviet moved in.
Wave after wave of political turmoil and conqueror regimes washed over Central and Eastern Europe, drastically altering the demographic make-up of a continent. When the waves receded, they left behind a generation of people humiliated simply for their race, religion, or nationality (sometimes simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time) yet remarkably accustomed to passive forms of subversion. Why is corruption widespread? Well, consider that blackmarkets at one point were a key to survival. Why such secrecy? Because sometimes it's best not to make a scene. And those are just major points.
What was really fascinating to me was the history of the other former Soviet states, and how they have developed into the modern nations that they are. I purchased a book in Prague entitled Cafe Europe. I read it in two days. And then I skimmed through it again, underlining and writing notes in it as if there was going to be a test on it the next day. I did have quite a bit of time to kill waiting in airports, but the book, which was written by a Croatian lady 15 years ago, discusses the social struggles and development of the former Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (now Serbia, Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Macedonia, Slovenia, Kosovo), Romania, Hungary, and the Czech Republic. This fifteen year old book was pretty accurately describing what I have observed and experienced in Moldova. Maybe it should have been a source of encouragement that Moldova came grow, but it was more a source of explanation as to why things are the way they are.
It discussed immigration and the stigma that can come with being labelled an "Eastern European," the economic struggles that lead to high priced imports and few choices for many goods, and the interesting perspective on customer service (by our standards, customer service is mostly absent). I devoured the book, because I had finally been given a slight explanation the ever present question, "Why is it like this?" I'll spare you more details :)
That was just my vacation....it's been about six weeks since then, and today, once again, I hit mental confusion. I was updating a business plan for work. The longer I looked at it, the more confused I became. It just didn't make sense to me. I mean, I understand what the report said, but I didn't understand why it was laid out this way. Basically, we had listed many long term goals, yet given very few short-term goals, much less the steps to achieve these goals. My business sense and my sense of integrity were sensing a lack of necessary information and SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely) goals. The short term goals were listed at the end of the report in vague qualifications.
After puzzling over this for a few minutes, I decided to stop arguing with myself and ask Brandon. We had a really good discussion on it. Basically, our mindsets are fundamentally different than those we work with. Clearly deliberating our short term goals, in our minds as least, would not only reassure our funders of the feasibility of long term goals, but it would also force us to focus on the many small steps that must be taken before a giant leap is made. But in their eyes, focusing on longterm goals depicts us as visionaries, and gives us more leeway as to how we get there. This discussion led to more discussion on the differences apparent from a business perspective. Honestly, it can be incredibly frustrating to work with. The resistance to change, management styles, and this different perspective of vision and goals can lead to disillusionment and cynicism for those of us coming from a western mindset. As Brandon proclaimed, "You're at the tipping point, Emily!" I began to wonder how this will impact my abilities when I leave Eastern Europe. Will my mindset be backwards? Will I lose my drive for organizational development and my understanding of strategic planning? I don't know. I'm told this tipping point is the point at which I will begin to distance myself from the work, to understand that this is temporary and may not be where my impact is most strongly felt. But it's still an experience, and I have 7.5 more months of it!
Side note: I'm learning the importance of "little things" beyond the office and into every area of life. I'm learning to give God the little things, those concerns, fears, ideas, that can grow into such a big burden I lose sight of the main thing. And I'm learning to see the beauty in the little things. God used lots of little things (a small amount of oil, two mites, the Moses' staff, five loaves and two small fish) to show forth His power in great ways. The way we handle the little things tells us so much more about the big things.
I love the story of George Washington Carver's talks with God.
He said:
"Years ago, I went into my laboratory and said, 'Dear Creator, please tell me what the universe was made for.' Said the Creator, 'You want to know too much for such a little mind as yours. Ask for something your size.'
Then I asked, 'Dear Creator, tell me what man was made for.' Again the great Creator replied, 'Little one, you are still asking too much. Bring down the extent of your request.'
'Tell me then, Creator, what the peanut was made for.'
'Then the great Creator taught me how to take the peanut aparte and put it together again. And out of this came all these products which the creator taught me to make.'
(From the book George Washington Carver: God's Ebony Scientist by Basil Miller, Zondervan Publishing House; 1963.) Note, I found this story on Farming Based on the Word of God. Who knows what I was actually looking for that day....
Post title taken from "Gotta Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammer. I love this song!
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