The days seem to go so fast and the nights seem to come so soon here! Well, ok, admittedly the sun does set at about 4:30 pm, but in my own life these moments of frustration, fear, and disappoint seem to come so quickly and heavily only to be overpowered just as suddenly by the joy of new understandings of my God, great conversations with the amazing people that I'm surrounded with, a new pair of boots, a new accomplishment that feels like a mini triumph, and cool sunny days.
I must hear at least twice a day, "How are you?" Whether it's over skype, on my facebook, or from a friend here, my innate response is always, "Good!" A few years ago, I began to realize how empty a statement that can be. Ok, great, you're good, but what does that even mean? So a goal of mine became to answer the classic, "How are you?" with daring honesty. I want to dare to actually tell you something about myself. I'm going to dare to tell you how I actually feel. I'm going to dare to share knowing that you might not really care either, but hoping that you might have the courage to share your life too. I'm going to dare to be real, and I'm going to dare to have an actual meaningful conversation with you.
Great thoughts, I tell you. Great thoughts. Ah, but how quickly I tire of that challenge. I reasoned my way back into my comfort zone of "I'm good" by making exceptions to who I told the truth to. They're just acquaintances. They don't really need to hear about my life. Wow, that's so thoughtful of me to not inflict the chaos of my circumstances on these unsuspecting inquisitors. No. That's laziness. That's selfishness. That's plain rude. That says,"I don't take you seriously enough to care to be honest with you."
This great internal debate has been re-established here in Moldova. This time I find I respond based on my current mood, not with actual indicators of how I am. My new goal is to be able on the worst days to be able to still share the joys and on the best days recognize the challenges too.
So how am I, you may ask?
I am facing life. My pride is being broken in many ways. My faith is deepening. I'm frustrated that I haven't learned more Romanian or written you more, but I'm excited about work and the projects we have. I'm truly enjoying the company of Brandon and Suz, though there are challenges in living day in and day out with people of different perspectives. I'm still confused sometimes as how to be "in the world, but not of the world." I've dealt with much more than I expected (including raw meat...ick, I don't do raw meat), and by the grace of God I see beauty in the people, places, and things that surround me. The Son of God is a shining light that doesn't disappear no matter what time the sun sets.
~ Redeemed
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